Dear Internets. Hello from Wyndotte Street. The reason for this post is to sound an alarm. We appear to be nearing a genuine online tipping point in terms of what James Cameron once called, “Stating the obvious with a complete sense of discovery.”
He evidently said this in a group of people. Whether or not he borrowed it from somebody, then confidently announced it as if he just thought of it himself, is impossible to say. Sure, odds are, yes, probably. He does actively travel ten minutes in the future. But who really knows?
The real question is clear: will online traffic arbitrage eventually drown us in our own minutia?
Online traffic arbitrage? That’s right. It’s easy and fun. Put any bit of content on a page, like throwing taffy at a hot sidewalk. Draw traffic through a bunch of voodoo-based internet-type things. And when people click on your ads (or sponsored content), you win! A tiny, little, bit. Over an infinite amount of time. You just have to spend less on getting the traffic than the traffic pays you. Arbitrage! (We had to look it up too. See the definition HERE.)
Some office guy spots a tiny thumbnail of blurry, famous, side-boob at the bottom of LegitimateNewSite.com? Well . . . he can file those bank forms any time. They have virus protection at that place, right? And . . . that’s a couple of nice, fat, fractions-of-pennies to somebody for the effort. Arbitrage!
Why will there eventually be such a thing as “Ten Worst 1980’s Hairstyles Of Your Favorite Topless Boy Band Singers Before They Were U.S. Presidents?” Lots of reasons. Also: Arbitrage!
And thank goodness because this all has to pay for itself somehow.
The down side? Terrifying proof that a process is now in motion which will reduce us all to meat lumps that need to google how to put our pants on every morning?
Please enjoy this actual, step-by-step, pictorial guide to answering a wrong number on a telephone: (http://www.wikihow.com/Answer-a-Call-That’s-a-Wrong-Number)
(SPOILER ALERT: It all takes a wild turn at point #2: “Figure out the situation. If the person says something to the effect of, ‘I’m calling to speak to Bob,” and no such person is there, say, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no Bob at this residence. Are you sure this is the right number?'”
My mother was very wise on this subject as well. I’ll never forget the day she said to me, “Just hang up.”
Because here’s the important part: It does not matter one little bit what the content is. If you are somebody who can figure out how to make a web site where people go to see themselves gaze quietly back at themselves in more of an approving way than they can muster on their own, have fun with that billion dollar idea.
So now what? Somebody with a clever infographic about international toilet procedures just became the twenty-fifth richest person in the world. That’s what.
But to get serious for a moment. We’ve had our fun. This is all alarming for another reason. Primarily because, in every single movie made during the 1980’s, even Terms Of Endearment, an alien started up a computer and by the next morning learned how to conquer our entire culture. And yet here we are, in real life, practically rolling out the red carpet. Ask not for whom the misdialed number rings . . .
Meanwhile, on Wyndotte Street, Ben Begley expertly navigates an old joke-turned-sketch illustrating the practical dangers of the not so terribly pertinent issue of misdialed phone numbers.
I’m@Work – Call Home
“Ok. Now I want you to take their bodies and throw them in the swimming pool.”
– by Adam Fike
