Vote Wally Panther!

Wally’s Core Values #3: Helping People Isn’t Right! (Satire)

Produced by Christian Monzon.

Written and Directed by Adam Fike.

Filmed by Peter Castagnetti.

INT. WALLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Wally smiles into the camera.

WALLY: Hello there. My name’s Wallace Panther.

Wally takes a drink of water.

WALLY: And These are my core values . . . Number Three. Folks, let’s be honest. Helping people just isn’t right. We all know it’s the worst thing you can do for them. Helping people goes against everything that freedom and capitalism stand for. People like my great, great grandfather worked their whole lives to become wealthy. He sold over-ripe fruit back to hungry farmers at a tidy profit. The man was a free-market genius. Back then you could make a dollar that way. But not now. These days you have to give half your money away. To who? Poor people, that’s who. My grandmother had a term for those people. The do nothings. Wise woman, my Grandmother. Put them in prison for a week, she’d say, that’ll set those beggars straight. Poor people are the worst. I mean, why don’t they just cut it out already? And you see them with their cell phones and their new tennis shoes. I mean, really. If you’re going to be poor, you should act at least like it. For goodness sake.